What I know for Sure Sundays: It is never too late to put on your crown

Hello my loves,

Sorry this post went up a bit late today. I had an amazing time with my family today celebrating all the amazing mothers, including my own:

picture from our Broadway show date

We were blessed with a beautiful day here in the city and so my entire family planned a last minute BBQ in the park where we all got to spent some quality time. I just got home!

I could have skipped this post. However, today I had a conversation with one of my cousins that was a true eye opener. She is about to be a mother herself (currently expecting) and although she is not with the father, she is completely ecstatic to bring a life in to this world. We were talking about relationships and we got to talking about a 7 year relationship she had- the guy became part of the family after a while and then one day he was gone! I never got to ask her what happen with that but today she shared with me a lot of stuff and for that I was very grateful.

She advised that after some time she realized her life with him would have been a disaster and so, after 7 years, she had no problem breaking things off. She emphasized the fact that we only live once and there is no time to be wasting with people we know are not good for us. I loved her optimism and enthusiasm as she told me the story. It really made my day.

...and so, in the middle of that conversation I had a personal aha! moment:

Is never, ever too late to put on your crown <3

source

What does this mean? It means that regardless of what we've been through, regardless of how many times we have fallen, regardless of how many times we knew we had to move on but did not, regardless of how many times we put up with things we shouldn't have, regardless of anything you can think of-- is NEVER too late to realize your true worth, put on your crown as the queen that you are and keep.it.moving. As my cousin stated over and over--- you only live once. people will always have something to say. Live for your own personal happiness and no one else's.

And so, I couldn't end this day without sharing this amazing message with all my wonderful followers. I will keep it short. Have an amazing week!

Love,
Mabelle

How to find Joy again {when life throws you lemons}

The other day while watching Oprah's Super Soul Sunday, the following quote came on the screen:

"Find a place inside where there is Joy, and the joy will burn out the pain". Joseph Campbell

I would be lying if I didn't admit to the fact that the past several weeks have been tough for me in a personal level. After coming back from a phenomenal summer in Washington D.C; and a nice vacation in Hawaii- a relationship that was very dear to me came to an end {once again}. I had the heart wrenching breakup talk and for weeks my world felt like it would crumble. If any of you have gone through a breakup you know the type of indescribable pain I am referring to. The tough part is that this was the same person with whom I was dealing at the beginning of the year. I wrote about the first breakup on this post.

We agreed to get back together only to call it quits again a few months later. I have heard somewhere that if something ends is good to let it go for good.  If something didn't work the first time around, what would make us assume that things would be different the next time? Obviously there are circumstances where people get back together and things are so phenomenal that they stay together for good. However, my personal experiences have made me conclude that those circumstances are the exception, not the norm. People rarely ever change. Hence, we have to accept people for exactly as they are or let them go.

Nonetheless, such is life my friends! No need to wallow in sorrow and self-pity for the rest of our lives. If there is one thing I have learned in my thirty years on this earth is that life is full of ups and downs and I remain an optimistic person whom looks forward to a phenomenal and amazing future. So, stay strong during the tough times and remember this: everything is temporary! The sun will shine again.

As I am finally recovering from that pain and I am on my way to the "other side", I want to share with you guys the top 10 things that have worked for me in bringing me back to joy:

1. Be around people that love you unconditionally: I must confess that I practically moved in to my parents house after things ended. I have my own place but it was kind of depressing to be home alone, specially during the evening hours. I had plenty of time to nourish my soul by having talks with my mom (whom was such a support system for me) and fed myself back to happiness while enjoying some homemade goodies and being around the people that I know love me no matter the circumstances. I also went on runs with my sister and made sure I kept in to contact with my best friends, whom also offered words of encouragement. Even if you live away from family or loved ones- make an effort to reach out to the people in your life that you know will always be there for you. Simple phone calls or a venting email can go a long way!

My sister and I after a 4 mile run/bike ride the other day

2. Get some exercise in to your life- Immediately: I must admit that the last thing you want to do when you feel miserable is put on your workout gear and move anywhere. However, I eventually talked myself in to hitting the gym. The endorphins that come from a nice run, a brisk walk, or even some quality time with the elliptical are phenomenal. Exercise and sweat can definitely be the best medicine. As that infamous instagram quote says: "I really regret that workout" -said no one, ever.

3. Make a conscious effort to eat good, clean food: Eating like crap will only make you feel good for about two seconds. Food is fuel and is amazing how it can be used to heal everything and anything, and that includes a sad mood. Eat for happiness! Some foods that have been proven to boost your mood include: Dark chocolate, salmon, walnuts, spinach, grilled chicken, avocado, Greek yogurt, green tea, berries!

4. Keep Busy: This is the time to excel at work and go above and beyond. Working can often be the best distraction. Even if you "hate" your job, it can be a blessing during tough times. Even if you are unemployed, this is the perfect time to give your all to that business idea that has been lingering in your head for ages. Take a leap of faith. They say the best business ideas on earth usually emerge during tough times. Check out this great article on the Entrepreneur website.  

5. Loose yourself in a favorite hobby: This may go hand in hand with the above. However if you have a hobby that you love be it outdoor running, bike riding, readings books or magazines, traveling, or anything in between, this may be the time to loose yourself in that. For me personally, there are a bunch of books I've been meaning to read and some overdue magazines that have been sitting in my apartment for months! Perfect time to catch up on the things I love.

6. Find your "Happy Places" and spend time there: What places bring you joy just because? Many of us have places where we love spending time. We may have no clue why we love  those places but they simply bring us joy. For me personally some of those places include: Barnes and Noble, the library, browsing around stores such as TJMax or Marshalls, my parents house. What places bring you joy?

7. Write out your goals for the future: There is no better feeling than to sit down with a pen and paper and write out exactly what you want for your future. You can go sit at a local Starbucks and write away! For some reason putting pen to paper in a journal feels "nicer" than typing it out on a computer. However, do whatever works for you! First list your plans for what you want everything from relationships to career plans. Then elaborate plans of action to make those things become a reality. If you want to take it to the next level, why not create a vision board with the things that you want for your future ?!(more on that coming soon).

8. Take a break, Focus on yourself again: I've decided to learn to love myself again , pamper myself, and be selfish. Its been a while since I've done that and this is the perfect time. This doesn't mean I cant meet new people and/or make new friends but I feel that is the perfect time for some "soul searching" and to start my path towards what I really want and what's really meant to be in my life. I encourage you to do the same!

9. Know in your heart that everything will be okay and amazing things are ahead: Never, ever, ever let anyone steal your joy or your expectations for a phenomenal future. Someone may have tried to steal your happiness temporarily but no one on this earth should have the right to strip you away from knowing that your future is bright and amazing. Don't give anyone that much power over you--ever!

10. Feel Gratitude for the things you have in your life: When things aren't going "perfect" we tend to forget that we have so much to be thankful for. For some reason humans have  a tendency to focus on the few things that are going wrong instead of focusing on the things that are going right---which is usually a much larger percentage. I am guilty of this myself but I am quickly changing my ways by realizing that God has been very good to me. It would be a shame for me to forget all the good things in my life (and everything I've been protected from! things happen for a reason)-- and the same goes for you, my friend!

Hope these tips help someone out there. If you have tips that have worked for you personally I would LOVE to hear them. Comment below or send me an email at dolcemabelle@gmail.com. :)
Thank you for reading <3

Rekindling My relationship with Myself

Its been a while since I've spent quality time with myself.

This may sound odd but as AMAZING and wonderful as a relationship can be and as much as I look forward to falling in love again and spending time with a significant other; this time on my own is reminding me of how much I also enjoy time with me. With Mabel.

I went shopping earlier and while driving I caught myself smiling when I realized that hey! I am on my own again. I am learning to be on my own again and that's perfectly okay.

 

Being alone is not the same as being lonely. And I am far from lonely.

 

 

I am healthy.

I have a family that loves me, and whom I love.

A God that loves me.

I have a roof over my head (a nice one).

I have clothes to wear.

Food in my fridge.

An education.

A job.

Dreams.

Hopes.

Ambition.

Faith.

An exciting Future.

Experiences.

And the list goes on...

 

My door is open to LOVE. I am not giving up on it because of previous circumstances that will have no effect on my present or my future. However, until it walks in to my life again. I will enjoy this time with myself and make the absolute best of it. <3

Cheers and TGIF!

Thoughts from the Soul Thursday

I went through a painful breakup recently.

It took me some time to realize that it was over considering I still lingered with the idea of getting back together. I would wake up and constantly think about what I could have, should have, or shouldn’t have done and with incredible feelings of regret that would try to take over my mind at least every 5 minutes. The pain and suffering came as contractions. I haven’t had a baby yet but from my understanding; contractions first come slowly and then come very close together until eventually the birth happens (this is a very condensed version). 

 

In my case, and as it probably is in these kind of situations, it was the other way around. The contractions right after the breakup where VERY close together. I would be perfectly okay for a few minutes and then the excruciating pain, suffering; regret would come again-- Unannounced and aggressively. One of the main reasons for this was the fact that I remained hopeful that things would turn around. Although being hopeful brought some brief relieve; it wasn't long until the pain would gear its ugly head again. I soon realized holding on to the idea of what we were was not taking me anywhere.

The good thing about any kind of significant suffering in life is that time heals everything. Things may hurt like no tomorrow for some time until they no longer have an effect on us. I am not here to sugar coat anything. Memories hurt. The idea of "what could have been" hurts. Having to fill the void of someone you got so accustomed to hurts. Deleting future plans from your mind hurts. The thought of waking up in the morning and having to face reality hurts. For some time even going to sleep on an empty bed hurt like hell. But then it doesn’t hurt anymore. And that’s probably one of the most liberating feelings in the world! Welcome peace, & serenity. Welcome. I missed you.

The bad news—having to pick up the pieces of your heart, put them back together, and live again. The best part? Living again! Is all how you look at it, see? I was so consumed in this relationship that things that made me happy took a back seat. In other words, I stopped doing every single thing that brought me joy when I was single: Running, blogging, reading magazines, watching my favorite shows, being joyful and optimistic, planning for the future. I don’t blame him for that. I blame myself. Why? Because I replaced all those things that brought me joy with a person and then I expected that one person to bring me just as much (or more joy) than the things that intrinsically made me happy when I was on my own. If that’s not the key to unhappiness I don’t know what is.

Yes. There were red flags from the very beginning. We started off as friends and I knew the type of person he was prior to us getting romantically involved. However, in love you take chances and that’s what I did and I don’t regret it. In retrospect, I knew better but I decided to listen to my heart and you know what--- that’s TOTALLY okay. Is life. Life ends. We have to live it. I just have to remember to take my brain with me next time I want to jump in to something without a parachute.

One of the main things I learned from this relationship:

1. My happiness depends on me and me alone. Giving up the things that made me happy and replacing them with a person and then placing the responsibility on that person to make me happy will only take me down one road (the one I was on when things ended).

2. People are who they are and they don’t change. The more we push a person to change the more complicated things will get and the more arguments that will arise. People change when THEY want to change and IF they want to never because anyone is forcing them to be a certain way. We either accept the person as they are, put up with whatever it is that bother us and "hope" that one day things will change…or we simply walk away.

3. If you can clearly identify a pattern of the type of people that constantly break your heart; you’ve won 80% of the battle! (The other 20% is not falling in to the same pattern again).

4. It is true what they say--- never, ever, ever, go to bed angry with your significant other. If its someone you want a long term future with (otherwise, who cares ;).

For some time I wanted to hold on because the idea of letting go and starting fresh was too painful. The idea of transition was painful. Today I accept that I had to go through that pain but also realize that the pain was illogical because I wasn’t happy, most of the time I was miserable, and I knew it! Yet I still wanted to hold on to the idea of what "could be". And that was probably my biggest misconception.

So how did I heal? It wasn’t easy at first and it takes time but I promise you that the other side is wonderful and it will wait for you with open arms.

"When someone leaves is because someone else is about to arrive". -Coelho

The strangest thing is that once that was over someone asked me out almost immediately. The person that asked me out didn’t even know I had a boyfriend so it had nothing to do with me announcing to the world that I was ‘newly single’. Although I was very flattered I declined because it was too soon and I knew in my heart that I needed some time to heal and be okay on my own again. My point is that I am almost certain that when we finally let go of something that’s not currently meant to be in our lives we open up the doors for things that should be. I like to think of it as clearing the space for my true destiny—whatever that may be. And It may be scary but is also exciting.

Exciting > Scary

Until I am ready to date again and reunite with the love of my life I will be keeping occupied by doing the following activities; including but not limited to:

Working out




Cleaning out my fridge (and my apartment) of any reminders of that person




Going grocery shopping for fresh produce! Goodbye orange juice!




Food prepping




Writing out a workout schedule for myself




Planning trips to visit people around the US



Planning dates with my friends (the ones who remain)




Watching my favorite shows while browsing my favorite magazines




Learning to cook with mom




Spending quality time with family and loved ones



Taking care of myself inside and out





Meditating (Finnally try some Yoga?!)



Meeting new friends




Meeting new people



Moving forward

The future is bright!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I am happy. One day this will be a very distant memory. I choose Joy :)

I share this not for any kind of pity but because I am sure there is someone out there that can relate and make feel peace from reading this right now. We are never alone!

As for my ex, he is not a bad person. I hold no grudges. I have no regrets. Maybe we will go back to being good friends or maybe we’ll go back to being acquaintances or maybe the future may have different plans for us. Maybe the love will blossom again one day under different circumstances. Only God knows!

One thing I know for sure is that when people are meant to end up together there is nothing that will keep them apart and when they are not, the opposite is also true. So I move forward in peace, leaving the rest in God’s hands and with this, I finally let go and and I fly...